Final entry

I posted this on Facebook way back in October 2011 but am only now getting round to posting it here!

Most of you will know that, although I managed to raise some money, my aim to lose weight failed in the long run.

After a major relapse of ME in August 2009, I have regained all my original weight and more. As a result I didn't feel I could ask for all the sponsorship money promised to me but here, at long last, are the final figures of what was received, including payments made directly to the charities by sponsors for which I have no verification (I think these are right - my brain is addled due to the ME!):

Rag Tag n Textile £180.83

Just Because £172.84

Children First £80.84

The grand total was £424.50 - a far cry from what I aimed for but something, nevertheless!

Chart of weight lost

My Weight Chart:

FINAL WEIGH IN

I've had a very difficult week or so and managed to put on 6lbs!! That makes my latest weight 16st 5lbs.

I've decided to call it a day, at least as far as sponsorship goes. I'm just struggling too much at the moment to feel confident that I can go on to lose any more weight. So I'll be sending an individual email to all you sponsors to let you know what to pay for my charities. I did at one point weigh in a whole 2 stones lighter so I'm hoping you'll forgive me for stopping now, even though I'm "technically" not at the end of the programme.

On 27 January 2009 I weighed in at 22st 5lbs. This week I weighed in at 16st 5lbs. This means a weight loss of 6 stone. Although I've struggled, it's still been great to lose this much weight and I have to say an enormous

THANK YOU

for all the help and encouragement you've all given me over the past year, it's been really fantastic and I can't tell you all how much I appreciate it. Thank you.

3 lbs this last week

I'm grateful to report that I lost 3lbs this past week. I hadn't lost anything last week and forgot to report it! However, I'm struggling so very much with wanting to eat that I'm seriously wondering if I can continue. However, I have a load of packs already paid for so will work my way through them, see how it goes and make a decision then. Sometimes I despair of getting much more off, at least this way. I guess it's not really surprising that a year of restricting food should leave me climbing the walls now and again!

2 lbs more

I completely forgot to report on this week's weight loss, probably cos I'm embarrassed that it's not more. I know 2lbs is a healthy amount but, on VLCDs, it should be more and it isn't because I'd been eating. I'm struggling at the moment with a lot of tiredness - probably cos I've been eating! - and my resolve just evaporates when I'm tired... Oh well... I'm also getting a bit too embarrassed to discuss my compulsive eating on here so much!

6 lbs gone!

I'm very happy with that! Pheeee-ew! That's a stone in a fortnight, which seems pretty drastic but I'm reminding myself there's a lot of water retention from all the carbs I was eating. The clothes I was getting into before Christmas are beginning to fit again and I'm noticing bones beneath the flesh again.

I confess (again) to eating off and on - more on than off - prowling the kitchen some evenings...! Still finding it very hard to stick to the 4 packs a day but still trying each day anew!

It ain't over til the fat lady sings.

On that note (pun intended), I went along to the Strath Gaelic Choir last night and am hoping I can take part (finances permitting). And it's bright and sunny with a dusting of snow today so the mood is optimistic.

8lbs lost!

Phew! Thank goodness!

BUT...

...the disappointing thing is that when I weighed myself last Saturday, I'd lost an almighty 10 lbs - and that was in only 3 days! In the interests of honesty (yet again!), this seemed to trigger a complacency in me and I started having the munchies in the evening and, worst of all, trying to satisfy them! Grrr. If I hadn't, I wonder how much I would have lost?! The munching may have cost me 4 lbs or even more. Oh well, whatever it takes to get some off at least...

Because I'm munching, I'm also not into ketosis yet. As ketosis suppressed the appetite, not being in ketosis (ie munching) is adding to the desire to munch!

I'm sure some of you are mightily fed up with hearing of me lapsing all the time. All I can say is - you're not half as fed up as I am!!

*big big sigh*

Day One

Cambridge Diet started today with Apple Cinnamon porridge.
I've decided that, as long as I can afford it, I'll do a 12 week stint and then work my way through the different steps back to real food, in the hope that'll prevent me piling on the weight again next time.

Onwards and upwards or, as Helen says, Offwards and Downwards!

Honesty

and public humiliation...?! Today I weighed in at (wait for it) an horrendous 17 stone 3 lbs...!!!!!! That's a weight gain over the past 5/6 weeks of 34 lbs. I'm not entirely in shock as I knew I'd put on a lot but it feels kind of horrific to put a number on it! I've put off weighing myself for ages cos I didn't want to know... It's quite shocking, really.

Sometime this week, once the food packs have arrived, I'm embarking on the Cambridge Diet again. I feel very badly that I will make less money for my charities if I don't lose the weight. I've decided to do it for another couple of months - either til my birthday or perhaps the full 12 weeks of the programme, as long as I can afford it - and try to get off as much as I can. I would still like to get to my 11 stone weight loss target but I'm not sure I'll manage it now... We shall see.

Onwards and upwards!

Loss and change

I have surprisingly lost 3 lbs this past week. Those of you who were with me at Mary's 50th birthday party on Saturday will know why I say "surprisingly"! There was an enormous buffet, of which I partook with gusto!

I even went back for more and realised I didn't fancy anything... That seems to have been a kind of watershed for me, that the obsession / craving can be more in my head than on the plate. Still, I recognised how much mental energy I was putting into the idea of the food in the room most of the night, whether craving it or trying to resist it.

I've been very unwell since, having huge problems sleeping before the wee small hours - the result of "overdoing it" and the increased adrenalin to keep going on Saturday night. I also have a lot of stressful stuff going on in the background (mainly about finances now that I'm back on benefits) which has stopped me stilling my mind last thing at night.

I also realised that I am going to have to cut back on the money I've been spending on the Cambridge Diet and so I've gone back to real food. Well, I say "real food" but really I'm eating a combination of food packs and the food I've had in the freezer. Call me changeable if you like! but I actually felt that my body was needing more sustainance.

Because I'm feeling so unwell at the moment (ME symptoms), I've decided to give the weight loss a miss for just now until I feel more able to cope with it. My motivation, which was very strong a week ago, has gone out the window. My intention is to eat cheaply for health and forget about losing weight, until I feel more able to cope with it and/or have more income. It's become just one more stress that I have to deal with and I'm trying to rid myself of those and chill out more.

So it's not over yet (the fat lady ain't sung yet!) but it's all on hold, at least til after Christmas.