Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Final entry

I posted this on Facebook way back in October 2011 but am only now getting round to posting it here!
Most of you will know that, although I managed to raise some money, my aim to lose weight failed in the long run.
After a major relapse of ME in August 2009, I have regained all my original weight and more. As a result I didn't feel I could ask for all the sponsorship money promised to me but here, at long last, are the final figures of what was received, including payments made directly to the charities by sponsors for which I have no verification (I think these are right - my brain is addled due to the ME!):
Rag Tag n Textile £180.83
Just Because £172.84
Children First £80.84
The grand total was £424.50 - a far cry from what I aimed for but something, nevertheless!

Sunday, 28 February 2010

Chart of weight lost

My Weight Chart:
Weight Chart

FINAL WEIGH IN

I've had a very difficult week or so and managed to put on 6lbs!! That makes my latest weight 16st 5lbs.

I've decided to call it a day, at least as far as sponsorship goes. I'm just struggling too much at the moment to feel confident that I can go on to lose any more weight. So I'll be sending an individual email to all you sponsors to let you know what to pay for my charities. I did at one point weigh in a whole 2 stones lighter so I'm hoping you'll forgive me for stopping now, even though I'm "technically" not at the end of the programme.

On 27 January 2009 I weighed in at 22st 5lbs. This week I weighed in at 16st 5lbs. This means a weight loss of 6 stone. Although I've struggled, it's still been great to lose this much weight and I have to say an enormous

THANK YOU

for all the help and encouragement you've all given me over the past year, it's been really fantastic and I can't tell you all how much I appreciate it. Thank you.

Saturday, 20 February 2010

3 lbs this last week

I'm grateful to report that I lost 3lbs this past week. I hadn't lost anything last week and forgot to report it! However, I'm struggling so very much with wanting to eat that I'm seriously wondering if I can continue. However, I have a load of packs already paid for so will work my way through them, see how it goes and make a decision then. Sometimes I despair of getting much more off, at least this way. I guess it's not really surprising that a year of restricting food should leave me climbing the walls now and again!

Sunday, 7 February 2010

2 lbs more

I completely forgot to report on this week's weight loss, probably cos I'm embarrassed that it's not more. I know 2lbs is a healthy amount but, on VLCDs, it should be more and it isn't because I'd been eating. I'm struggling at the moment with a lot of tiredness - probably cos I've been eating! - and my resolve just evaporates when I'm tired... Oh well... I'm also getting a bit too embarrassed to discuss my compulsive eating on here so much!

Friday, 29 January 2010

6 lbs gone!

I'm very happy with that! Pheeee-ew! That's a stone in a fortnight, which seems pretty drastic but I'm reminding myself there's a lot of water retention from all the carbs I was eating. The clothes I was getting into before Christmas are beginning to fit again and I'm noticing bones beneath the flesh again.

I confess (again) to eating off and on - more on than off - prowling the kitchen some evenings...! Still finding it very hard to stick to the 4 packs a day but still trying each day anew!

It ain't over til the fat lady sings.

On that note (pun intended), I went along to the Strath Gaelic Choir last night and am hoping I can take part (finances permitting). And it's bright and sunny with a dusting of snow today so the mood is optimistic.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

8lbs lost!

Phew! Thank goodness!

BUT...

...the disappointing thing is that when I weighed myself last Saturday, I'd lost an almighty 10 lbs - and that was in only 3 days! In the interests of honesty (yet again!), this seemed to trigger a complacency in me and I started having the munchies in the evening and, worst of all, trying to satisfy them! Grrr. If I hadn't, I wonder how much I would have lost?! The munching may have cost me 4 lbs or even more. Oh well, whatever it takes to get some off at least...

Because I'm munching, I'm also not into ketosis yet. As ketosis suppressed the appetite, not being in ketosis (ie munching) is adding to the desire to munch!

I'm sure some of you are mightily fed up with hearing of me lapsing all the time. All I can say is - you're not half as fed up as I am!!

*big big sigh*

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Day One

Cambridge Diet started today with Apple Cinnamon porridge.
I've decided that, as long as I can afford it, I'll do a 12 week stint and then work my way through the different steps back to real food, in the hope that'll prevent me piling on the weight again next time.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Honesty

and public humiliation...?! Today I weighed in at (wait for it) an horrendous 17 stone 3 lbs...!!!!!! That's a weight gain over the past 5/6 weeks of 34 lbs. I'm not entirely in shock as I knew I'd put on a lot but it feels kind of horrific to put a number on it! I've put off weighing myself for ages cos I didn't want to know... It's quite shocking, really.

Sometime this week, once the food packs have arrived, I'm embarking on the Cambridge Diet again. I feel very badly that I will make less money for my charities if I don't lose the weight. I've decided to do it for another couple of months - either til my birthday or perhaps the full 12 weeks of the programme, as long as I can afford it - and try to get off as much as I can. I would still like to get to my 11 stone weight loss target but I'm not sure I'll manage it now... We shall see.

Onwards and upwards!

Friday, 4 December 2009

Loss and change

I have surprisingly lost 3 lbs this past week. Those of you who were with me at Mary's 50th birthday party on Saturday will know why I say "surprisingly"! There was an enormous buffet, of which I partook with gusto!

I even went back for more and realised I didn't fancy anything... That seems to have been a kind of watershed for me, that the obsession / craving can be more in my head than on the plate. Still, I recognised how much mental energy I was putting into the idea of the food in the room most of the night, whether craving it or trying to resist it.

I've been very unwell since, having huge problems sleeping before the wee small hours - the result of "overdoing it" and the increased adrenalin to keep going on Saturday night. I also have a lot of stressful stuff going on in the background (mainly about finances now that I'm back on benefits) which has stopped me stilling my mind last thing at night.

I also realised that I am going to have to cut back on the money I've been spending on the Cambridge Diet and so I've gone back to real food. Well, I say "real food" but really I'm eating a combination of food packs and the food I've had in the freezer. Call me changeable if you like! but I actually felt that my body was needing more sustainance.

Because I'm feeling so unwell at the moment (ME symptoms), I've decided to give the weight loss a miss for just now until I feel more able to cope with it. My motivation, which was very strong a week ago, has gone out the window. My intention is to eat cheaply for health and forget about losing weight, until I feel more able to cope with it and/or have more income. It's become just one more stress that I have to deal with and I'm trying to rid myself of those and chill out more.

So it's not over yet (the fat lady ain't sung yet!) but it's all on hold, at least til after Christmas.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Call me rash...!

but I've taken the leap (financially) and am back on the Cambridge Diet. What a bloomin' relief! Food is a blinking minefield for me (clearly something I'm going to have to tackle very soon). Low carbing suits me best - it's satisfying and makes me feel better - more energy, less digestive problems - but it aggravates my gallbladder. I could get my gallbladder taken out, of course - they wanted me to get down from my then-21 stone to 18 before they'd operate a few years ago. Now I'm 15 stone (yes, that's my weigh-in today), they'd whip it out at the drop of a hat!

When I eat any kind of grains, they make me very hungry very soon - some say it's a degree of insulin resistance and a purely physiological reaction to blood sugar rising too high and subsequently dipping - and I want to eat all the more. Even complex carbohydrates - wholemeal bread, brown rice, porridge - make me feel this way. The low-carb lobby says it's the result of a messed up metabolism after years of "carb-addiction".

On top of that (or is it alongside it?!), I know I'm an emotional eater. I eat more when I'm hungry, when I'm happy - any excuse! - and, worst of all for someone with ME, when I'm tired - my thinking around food goes very awry and I don't make good decisions then...

I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I will need professional help with my food choices in the long term.

Today's weigh-in has me at 15 stone, unfortunately. I'm hoping I can get a stone off before Christmas, IF my finances allow me to continue on the Cambridge Diet...

Monday, 23 November 2009

Low-carb is off the agenda

My gallbladder is grumbling so low-carb (high fat) is out the window.
I'm not feeling too confident about weight loss on an ordinary diet. I do have problems with wheat so I'm avoiding that and sugar, in the meantime, keeping to low GI / GL foods, and will see how that goes.
I'm contemplating (some will be dismayed to hear!) returning to the Cambridge Diet if I can work it out financially, as I'm spending just as much on "ordinary food". I still feel that I'd rather struggle at 11 stone something than where I'm at just now, but I'm also only too aware that I've hovered around 15 stone since early August, in spite of several weeks on Cambridge.
A decision will be made in the next couple of days!

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Phew!

I'm relieved to say that I've lost 5 lbs in weight since last week. That's one week of low-carbing under my belt, so that's comforting too, that it's going to work!

I'm not ecstatic because I actually feel as if I'm filling out, which is rather odd... but it might be due to eating decent food and higher calories. Only time will tell!

Another reason I'm not ecstatic is because I'm aware I've been overeating. This seems to happen particularly when I'm tired, which is a lot these days, due to the downturn in my health... It's a struggle that I'm going to have to get to grips with. And a struggle that I'm struggling to get to grips with!

I think I've had a daft idea in my head - that I'd lose all that weight I put on the week before when I stopped eating carbs (that all the water retention would go) and that I'd lose more on top of that with low-carbing. But the more I think about it, the dafter that idea gets! I think I'm just so scunnered with myself for putting so much on and am not happy that I'm not as light as I was a few weeks ago. 14 stone 6.5 lbs felt very good! Especially because I could say I'd lost just short of 8 stone; now it's back to being just over 7.5 stone. Still, I'm below 15 stone again so that's a positive.

And I do keep reminding myself that this is for the long haul and there's bound to be a certain amount of flux while I transition back onto real food. I have to get used to it - mentally - and my body is having to make a big adjustment too.

Another aspect is that several people have told me I look great as I am and don't need to lose any more weight. I have to keep my original targets in mind - to get back to what used to be my normal weight - 11 stone 5 lbs (actually 11 1/4 stone but I rounded off the stones to make it easier!) - and getting back to a size 14.

One big downside is that I don't think this is working out any cheaper than CD, in fact it might be working out more expensive. I've stocked up on food in the freezer so it's going to be a case of seeing how long all that lasts before I know if I'm right. If I am right, I'd be as well going back onto CD and getting my weight down to my target that way.

Alternatively, I could just stay with low-carbing (if I can afford it) until I reach my target weight or until my weight stabilises (which apparently can happen on low-carb), as this has to be a long term way of eating now, not a diet.

I think I should start feeling happier about that 5 lb weight loss!

Friday, 13 November 2009

Reassurance

Judging by my unclothed weight this afternoon (post-breakfast but pre-lunch), I've already lost at least 3 lbs as the retained water disperses by steering clear of grains and sugar. It's quite astonishing now how I can track the level of water retention - I can feel it round my hip bones first!

I'm feeling very happy with my food choices and have realised that (to quote a certain famous deceased pop star) - this is it! This is when, being back on real food, I need to learn to make the food choices that are best for me, not just to lose weight or to maintain it, but also to maintain my health - sugar levels and energy levels, as well nutrition.

I've also realised that, when I was eating food all the time, I allowed my hunger to govern when I ate. (I also allowed just about every other sensation to govern when I ate!) Now I've got used to feeling hungry, I'm learning to integrate that into my day to day as well, so that I don't overeat. It doesn't kill me to wait an hour to eat and I actually like the "clean" feeling that being a bit hungry gives me. Don't worry anyone - I won't starve! I don't suffer from hypoglycemia either (which I did used to think I might but I honestly think that's induced by a high carb diet, at least for me) and, whenever I feel too hungry, I will and do eat! I'm not into starving myself - but I also don't want to get back into my old habits of eating at every opportunity.

Tis a steep learning curve but I'm feeling really fine about it - for just now!

PS Weight loss won't go on the tickers until my "official" weigh ins on Wednesdays.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Eeek....!

In the interest of honesty and an accurate record of weight loss, I have to embarassingly admit to a weight GAIN of a massive 9 lbs!! My eating has gone haywire and I've been eating wheat and sugar - high carbs - resulting in massive water retention. I could even see it in my feet this morning! I was sooo bloated today, my stomach was enormous and I was in a lot of discomfort for a long time...! My CPAP machine makes me swallow air as it is, but this was something else!
So today I spent quite a lot of money on food and am embarking on low carb eating from now on. I'm looking forward to it, lots of yummy and, importantly, satisfying food. I still have food packs left but they're all soups so will use them for lunch. I can't quite face a bowl of artificial broccoli soup first thing in the morning! :-p
Here's hoping I can stick to it and keep away from sugar more successfully than I have been this past week.

Saturday, 7 November 2009

I lost 1.5lbs this week

So I'm back where I was 2 weeks ago!

However - I've been eating since my weigh in on Wednesday and know my weight has increased...

I have to come off the Cambridge Diet because, being back on Incapacity Benefit, my finances are dire and I just can't afford it. So... I'm having to look at low-carbing long term, with real (very inexpensive) food. Frankly, I'm very concerned about it, on both the financial and the emotional/addiction sides. But I do need to get to grips with real food again so now's as good a time as any, I guess! I just cannot put back on all that weight again. I mean, I just can't let that happen, can I?!

Sunday, 1 November 2009

I put on 1.5lbs last week

which doesn't surprise me in the least (other than that it wasn't more!) as I ate every day for 4-5 days while Stitches was on. It was easier to give into the desire to eat while I was so busy and so tired. Not good, I know, but that's how it is. I've stuck to the packs since (can't remember the number of days) except yesterday, when I went a bit nuts...!! Here's hoping I can stick to it for the next couple of days til my next weigh-in!

I cut my hair the other week and folk keep telling me how much younger I look! I think it's also made people notice my weight loss more too, for some reason. I'll need to get a new photo up here. Suffice to say that the size 20 trousers that I squeezed myself into so proudly in July(?) are now loose.

I know I've miscalculated somewhere, as 2 weeks with half pounds should leave me with an whole number but I've still got a half pound floating around! Anyway, last week's weight (14 stone 7.5 lbs) is accurate so we'll take it from there.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

I forgot to say...

...that I lost 5 lbs last week!! I'm delighted as it makes it only 1 lb short of 8 stones (112 lbs) weight loss altogether!

HOWEVER I have eaten every single day since then (except today) and I know my weight has rocketed as my body holds onto the water. I was just too busy and too tired to find the wherewithal to resist food... It's silly, really, because I would actually feel better if I did, as carbs don't make me feel great... Anyway... I don't expect my weigh-in in 2 days time will show a return to last week's results but I guess you never know. Here's hoping. It's on the record anyway.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

Another 2.5 lbs lost

That half pound is important! I've been cheating again, though it was my daughter's birthday last week. Well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! I wonder if I can get through a week without cheating... I wonder if it would make that much difference... Perhaps I should give it a try!!

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Another 3lbs lost!

Yippee! That's now 7.5 stone I've lost. And I'm less than 15 stone!! Woop woop!!
I have lapsed a few times, not least sharing a box of Quality Street with daughter Laurie on Saturday!!! =:-o Strong cheddar is still my downfall strangely!
It's so great to be losing weight again... I'm enjoying the Cambridge Diet (in parts!). Some of the soups are a bit iffy but it's fine on the whole. I'm really enjoying my evening poppadums again (in spite of the fact that cooking the packs isn't recommended - I take a multi-vitamin!) and the bars are all scrummy. Even my grandson likes the Chocolate and Mint shake, though he turned his nose up at the Chocolate Orange! I'm also allowed milk so can enjoy tea and coffee without going outside the food plan.
I met a friend of Laurie's tonight who's known me for the past 20 years - and it's quite amazing to realise that she has never known me at this size. I've worked out it must be around 1985 when I was last this size. I was 29 then... That's quite a thought...