A note...

... to anyone who does follow this blog(!) that I wasn't able to go to the Lighter Life meeting this week (away in Thurso for work) and will be away for next week's meeting too (in Coventry for UK Ravelry Day with Stitches on the Bridge), so I'll miss two weigh-ins. My next weigh-in will show 3 weeks weight loss, which should be interesting!

Yesterday I was YummyMummyFaerie at Rag Tag n Textile's Faerie Homecoming:

Musselburgh dancers top up to £1,000!!

Thanks to Elspeth Alexandra and her Musselburgh dance students, my projected raised figure has just topped £1000!!

A huge

THANK YOU

to all of you for supporting me! I am really touched...

Almost halfway!

I've finally updated my weight loss and funds raised figures. It's great to see that I'm almost halfway to my target!! Who knows, I might not go quite so far as 11 stone, as that is based on what I weigh at the LL sessions, not on what I weigh on my scales...

The week before last, I lost 3 lbs; this past week I lost 2.5 lbs. That's 5 st 3 lbs now. :-D

What I haven't written about is the shopping trip I made the week before last. I had some vouchers to spend in the Arcadia group of shops - Wallis, Dorothy Perkins, Top Shop, Evans. The vouchers were earned doing consumer research and I chose Arcadia because I'm so used to shopping in Evans. Before the trip, I measured myself and realised I was now somewhere in the region of size 20-22 on the top, and size 24-26 on the bottom. I was amazed to discover that Wallis and Dorothy Perkins both cater for larger sizes. I had no idea so many shops now do bigger sizes. I even found out that Matalan and Marks & Spencer (two ends of the spectrum!) do too!

As a result I shopped in Outfit in Inverness, which has sections of Wallis, DP and Top Shop in it, and in Evans. And I was thrilled to bits to discover that I can actually get into size 18s!!! All the tops I bought that day (I didn't manage to get any trousers) were size 18s. Evans size 18 is more generous than Wallis, to be sure, but I still got two lovely cardis from the latter. There was a 20% sale on all goods that day, so my money went a little further! Gosh I was chuffed. It took me hours, though, to decide!!

Even better was being able to get into a couple of lovely size 18 tops in Next! Only to discover that my vouchers didn't cover Next...!! Oops!

On the down side, I've been finding it very difficult to resist cravings for real food and have succumbed a couple of times recently. I have still lost weight though and, in some ways, that doesn't help. If I didn't lose weight when I lapse then it might drive it home a bit better that it's not a good choice to be making. It definitely makes it harder to stick to the food packs whenever I eat. And I'm aware the cravings can be aggravated most of all by tiredness, or when I feel fed up. I have to say that I think now is the time I'm going to be learning most about my food addiction, as I try to resist the desire to eat...

Projected sponsorship updated

I've updated the sponsorship projection to include losing up to 11 stone, rather than stick with the 3 stone ceiling, which I'm now well past. £946 looks a lot better!

I may not have raised £2000 by April but perhaps there's still a chance I might raise £2000 by the end of this year (if I lose all 11 stone, which I fully intend to do!).

Some of the sponsors have put a limit on how much they want to sponsor me for, which explains why the projected figure is not just a simple multiplication of the sponsorship per stone figure x 11 stone.

Confused? You will be...! You'll have to trust me!

Another 7 lbs lost this week...

...I can't quite believe it. I really got a shock when she told me... I knew I'd lost something as my trousers are so much bigger and even one of my group said she noticed a difference since she last saw me 9 days ago. It did feel as if I'm going through another "weight falling off me" phase. I thought I'd be happy if it was 3 lbs, chuffed to bits if it was 5 lbs, but I honestly did not expect it to be 7!

Today was the first week of Development and 5 of us joined an already established group 9 weeks into Development, who've all been together through Foundation (I assume). There were around 8 others in the room with us, so it took the best part of an hour for us all to be weighed. It was quite strange, to be honest, to be with others. They're a much vocal group than we were, especially during the exercises. Perhaps we'd have all got to that stage in another 9 weeks but we all seem to be a bit hesitant!

Our counsellor worked with us on problem solving tonight. It seems that Development will be more of the same; there doesn't seem to be a new book to take us through it, but we did notice that the already established Developers had a large orange spiral bound book with "scrapbook" on it. There was no mention of us being given one and none of us remembered to ask!

I also forgot to ask our counsellor to take my end of Foundation photos, which were taken the week I was in the Uists. She needs an "official" record for her files, I think. I'll remind her next week, it completely went out my head with the surprise of how much weight I've lost!

I think that's all I've got to report... I had another slip on Monday - or, to rephrase that, I chose to eat, mainly out of just feeling pretty rubbish at the time. Tiredness is definitely my Achilles Heel, which is unfortunate for someone recovering from ME...! But I still lost 7 lbs... Blimey!

End of Foundation phase - 60.5 lbs lighter!

I was weighed this afternoon at the last session of the Foundation phase and, over the past 2 weeks, I've lost another 5.5 lbs.

Today's session was spent looking back, moving forward and saying goodbye to each other - even though all of us except my friend / colleague Donna are moving onto Development, where we simply keep on with the food packs until we've reached our desired weight. Donna's moving onto Route to Management, where she'll start reintroducing food next week - lucky thing!

It's been very heartening for me to compare the following photos:

(I included the blurry one because it's got a neater profile and makes me look just that little bit slimmer!)

It's the weirdest thing to look at the January photo of me and wonder who that person is. I was dismayed at the time how my face looked. Even weirder is to realise that I'm beginning to recognise myself again in photos. Oh, I remember her!

I seem to be back on the wagon / back on track / making better choices about my food plan. I was / am still having such a hankering for real food... but today's session was very encouraging, remembering how far I've come (especially when I see those photos) and how well I was doing before I fell off the wagon. Coming off the food plan only once makes it so much easier to do it again AND harder to stay back on it. I kind of knew that would happen and that's why I was determined not to do it for so long. I intend to get back to that solid mindset, it's kind of confusing how it slipped, I couldn't tell you precisely why...

It's a bit disheartening to see how little I've managed to raise for the charities. So much for £2000 by the end of April! Oh well... I'm grateful for all the donations and sponsorship that have come in. I'll be sending out an email in the next few days, to see if people want to pay me now or continue with sponsorship til I've reached my goal.

I'm especially grateful to all of you who have donated money for the costs of Lighter Life, I genuinely couldn't have done it without you. I'm earning a little bit more money now with extra work through Rag Tag n Textile, but I'm still penny pinching like mad! Donna and I will be going through to the Black Isle for our different Lighter Life sessions on different days now so we won't be sharing the cost of transport anymore either. There are plans afoot for more work for me but it's always a slow process to raise the necessary funding. In the meantime I have little spare time to work out other ways to make money!

Onwards and upwards!

Next week I start on the Development phase, on Thursday afternoons now. If my Gaelic class resumes on Thursday evenings (it's undecided at the moment) I'll have to change my LL day to Wednesday evening, which will be kind of tough, travelling through after work and driving home late in the evening, especially after the summer when it gets dark again... On a positive note, we drove back tonight in full daylight and I have months of that to look forward to - fantastic!

Development will be interesting as they'll be building on the tools we've learned in Foundation. It'll be a totally different group of people, though 4 of us from my Foundation group will be there. We're used to about 6 or 7 of us but the Development group can be as big as 20! So it's all change and will be interesting to see how different it is. I'm looking forward to playing blaring music while I drive back and forth on my own!

Another 2.5 lbs, milk week and bad choices

I'm very late with this report. Can't remember why now! Last week I was away in Uist so missed the weekly session. The week before that - 14 April - I lost another 2.5 lbs, bringing me (frustratingly!) up to 1 lb short of 4 stones weight loss. As a fortnight will have passed by the next weigh in, I'm bound to be over 4 stone this week.

This past week has been our 13th and higher calorie week. NICE guidelines recommend only 12 weeks on very low calorie diets (VLCD) so we are upping our calories to 1000 a day this week by adding milk (or soya milk) to our packs. It's been nice to be able to drink tea and coffee again, as I don't like either black. I've actually been finding it hard to get through the 400 mls of semi skimmed milk each day. I've also felt unusually stiff and wonder if this could possibly be the effect of reintroducing milk to my diet... so I'm using soya milk for the packs and ordinary milk for my yummy cups - nay, pots! - of tea.

This coming Tuesday is the last day of Foundation and I'll move onto Development during the following week. I'm still unsure of what day to choose - Wednesday at 7.30 pm or Thursday at 4.30 pm - until I know if my Gaelic class, block 2 of which ends this week, is going to continue on Thursdays.

Last weekend (17 - 19 April) I was lucky enough to be invited by my friend Sandy to go to the Knoydart's 10 Music Festival with her and her son Tim. We were camping and I didn't envisage any difficulties with the diet over that weekend. In the end, though, with the prospect of a weekend of only sweet shakes and bars, I succumbed to the temptation of a venison burger (Bad Choice No 1). My ill-thought-out logic dictated that at least it was protein, shouldn't knock me out of ketosis (fat burning) and wouldn't make that much difference. Of course it's a big increase in calories so that will have made a difference. I didn't intend to eat any of the "bap" (I usually call it a roll but this was most definitely a cottonwool-like bap!) but ended up nibbling on half of it. Worse than that though, I requested one chocolate finger biscuit from Tim and then later binged on about 10 of them, they were so more-ish (Bad Choice No 2). Ho hum...

This past week I spent 2 nights in Lochmaddy, North Uist, and this time succumbed to local seaweed-fed lamb steak at the Lochmaddy Hotel... (Bad Choice No 3) again with the logic of it being protein and therefore not knocking me out of ketosis. I asked for none of the onion rings, fried mushrooms and chips that came with it and for a green salad instead. It was in fact served with the green salad - and the onion rings, mushrooms and chips!! I gave up then and crumbled (Bad Choice No 4)!! I ate the 3 onion rings, the several mushrooms, half of the chips (with mayonnaise - eek!) and only half of the lamb.

My body wasn't too happy with that venison burger. It might have been that I'd barely slept the night before but, after I'd eaten it, I immediately had to go and have a nap! I was also only able to eat half of the lamb. My stomach will have shrunk, of course - in the past I'd have eaten the whole lot without thinking.

Neither time was the food worth it. The burger was - ok. The lamb was - ok (nothing like as great as I expected). Mostly I enjoyed the chips! Oh and the chocolate fingers. Carbs and sugar are my trigger foods, to be sure.

Since then I've struggled with wanting to eat more, to eat conventional food again. I discovered a LL banoffee pie recipe and made it up for the 2nd time this week. A quarter is the equivalent of one food pack and, because it contains 2 bars, only a half can be eaten in one day. On Friday and Saturday nights just past, I ate an extra quarter each night - meaning I've eaten the equivalent of 5 packs each day. I always feared that breaking the diet - choosing to eat outside of my food plan, rather - would be a slippery slope and it looks like I might just have been right. Today I've managed to get back on the wagon and am determined to stay there from now on. It's definitely harder to stay on it when you've already fallen off once...

The weight loss is a lot slower than it was - can't tell yet how the bad choices have affected it - and it's definitely much less exciting that way! While I'm really delighted with the amount I've lost, I'm very aware that I have a long way to go. I'm about to embark on another 13 week period and am very likely to have another one to go after that too. I'm very aware that my "diet buddy", Donna, is about to reintroduce conventional food as she embarks on the Road to Management phase, and I wish it was me! I look at photos of myself and see I'm still really big. They don't match the idea I have of myself in my head, knowing that I can get into old clothes and even feel my hip bones through my skin now! I can't say I'm exactly discouraged but it feels like a very long haul right now...

Another 2 lbs lost this week

This is a late report because my internet service went down last Sunday and I only got it back up again tonight. I've been a bit lost without it!

Only 2 lbs lost this week but that's fine as I lost so much over the past 3 weeks that I was finding it a bit hard to come to terms with! More on that another time.

So I didn't make it to 4 stone this week - only 3 st 10.5 lbs - but maybe next week.

Another 6 lbs lost this week!

At this rate I might just lose 5 stone by the end of the Foundation phase, which ends in only 4 weeks...

I'm noticing that I feel the cold much, much more now. I guess I'm losing my insulation, and at a fast rate as well, so it's taking my body time to catch up with the changes...

My biggest thrill recently was being able to get into a whole pile of clothes that I've held onto for about 6 years! I have a pinstripe trouser suit I bought in 2002/03 and haven't worn since. I was thrilled to get into it yesterday - and wore it today! Plus another (linen) suit from 1998/9, two dresses, several tops and a couple of skirts. No trousers (except pedal pushers for the summer) because I always wear them to rags. At this rate of weight loss I won't get much wear out of that linen suit. I hope the weather improves very soon!

It all feels a bit unreal as, even though I held onto those clothes, I seriously doubted I'd ever be able to wear them again. I now have a brand new (old) wardrobe! But, once past these sizes, I'm going to have to buy brand new - or from charity shops. And the great thing is, I will at last be able to get into clothes in charity shops - they don't usually have big enough sizes for me!

These past few weeks, we've been working on what Lighter Life calls "hot thoughts" and what I've previously known as "automatic negative thoughts". I have to confess that none of this is new to me, but it's still been interesting to look at it again. It's basically all about challenging these thoughts, working out if there's any basis in reality for them, and replacing them with more rational thinking.

This week we've been looking at the "drama triangle" of Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim. I first heard of this idea years ago from my therapist friend Kate, but the way it was applied today was new to me. The notion is all about recognising when you're in which role, and how to break out of it and act from your "adult" ego. Interesting stuff. We realised that within our own group, a lot of rescuing goes on! "Don't beat yourself up about your slip", etc!!

This past week I took part in some rescuing myself (as it was pointed out to me today!) and in a little bit of cheating (little being the operative word). Last weekend, grandson Jamie really wanted me to try his new rice crispies from Lidl. As he didn't seem to understand why I couldn't have any, I gave in and tasted only one! In this instance, I gave in - so that was me rescuing Jamie's feelings. Even though it was a conscious choice on my part, it was all about rescuing Jamie. Hmmm...!

I also liked that, instead of talking about "cheating" or whatever, our LL counsellor talked about how this food "wasn't part of my food programme."

I confess to another instance of eating/drinking something not in my food programme. My elderly friend Audrey died on 21 March and her funeral was yesterday. Afterwards, daughter Laurie and I went for a coffee at the Lochalsh Hotel, a favourite haunt, mainly (if not only!) because of the big squishy sofas and the view. I don't really like black tea or coffee (no milk on Lighter Life!) and realised I didn't have any peppermint teabags on me. I settled for an Earl Grey teabag from the botton of my handbag (I went through a very short phase of enjoying it black) and, having found I still really don't like it much at all, I ended up putting some milk in it. That was verrry nice. And that "slip" led to more when I decided to have some of Laurie's coffee and just have some milk with it too. Y-u-m! I must have drunk all of a couple of fluid ounces of milk, so I really don't feel too bad about it!

I've hit the 3 stone mark - and more!

My weigh in today said that I'd lost another 5.5 lbs - that's a total of 44.5 lbs or 3 stone 2.5 lbs!! Yippee!! I have actually already met my initial target!!

I got another photo taken tonight as I felt that last one wasn't quite showing the extent of the weight loss - and besides I'm now 11.5 lbs lighter than 2 weeks ago! Tonight's photo is much clearer, I think. Judge for yourselves!

27 January 2009 24 March 2009 - 3 stone 2.5 lbs lighter.
Less chin, no bum shelf(!), slimmer forearms, smaller tummy, smaller bust, cheekbones beginning to show, even my eyes look bigger! A total of 3" off my bustline, 6" off my waist and 6.5" off my hips.

And just in time for my 53rd birthday tomorrow!