New fundraising page

I completely forgot to say that I've created a new page HERE where you can click the buttons to donate or sponsor me. There was some confusion about how to contribute, so I've tried to make it simpler and show that there are, in fact, seven different way to help me raise money. =:-o

If you haven't already -

PLEASE SPONSOR ME!

2.5 lbs lost this week

Only 2.5 lbs. I have to confess to feeling a bit disappointed. BUT I think I might have found the culprit...

Lighter Lifers have devised "real food-like" recipes for the food packs - "chocolate", "muffins" and, my favourite, "poppadoms". Mix the chicken soup into a paste or baby food consistency, spread it on a plate or on greaseproof paper and cook in the microwave for several minutes. My first two experiments stuck to the plate, so that I had to chip them off and even lick up the crumbs. I might as well have eaten it straight from the packet! The third stuck to the greaseproof paper, adding a little bit extra to my diet (you didn't expect me to leave it, did you?!).

So, the week before last, I oiled the plate... And last week I did the same twice over... SO that little bit of extra calories just might be making a difference to my weight loss. So, after the weigh-in on Tuesday, I went to Tesco in Dingwall and bought some baking paper (already greased and virtually non-stick)! It worked like a treat tonight - and no extra calories.

My friend wasn't able to make it to this week's session, so I travelled alone. I have to confess to feeling really really really tired afterwards... After feeling great a fortnight ago, I've been really tired this past week or so... :-(

We were measured this week too. I appear to have lost only 1 cm on my top, 3 cm on my waist and 3 cm on my hips. I'm a bit surprised, as I'm very aware of how much smaller I feel and just how baggy my clothes have become. So... I'm going to take my own measurements too from now on. And when I can get some batteries for my scales, I'm going to compare the weight loss on them too...!

The highlight of this week was the introduction of a new food pack - porridge! I've tasted it and it isn't really like porridge at all, more like a very runny semolina. But tasty enough and a welcome variation on the food packs.

This week was more on Transactional Analysis and Eric Bernes' recognition of different ways in which we spend our time:

• Withdrawal - either physically or mentally.
• Ritual - from a simple handshake or "How are you?" to weddings and funerals. Pointedly, mealtimes can also be a ritual.
• Pass-timing - inconsequential chit chat, cups of tea with friends, gossip.
• Activities - task orientated activities like work, etc.
• Intimacy - about being genuine, not just about physical or emotional intimacy. Being "real".

All of these can be negative as well as positive: hiding away; over-indulgence; avoiding being alone; over working / under working; too much or too little intimacy. And we were asked to recognise the association of food with all of them too: hiding food and eating in secret; the excess food associated with big parties and ceremonies; the cream cakes along with the cups of tea; getting too tired or too bored and this leading to eating; using food to make up for loneliness or even to avoid intimacy.

We were asked to look at how much of our day is spent on each of these activities. It made me realise that I fill my time with activities, particularly since being on this programme. Now I don't need to take time to cook or even to eat (it doesn't take long to get through any of the packs!), I have more time on my hands. I enjoy having this extra time but I also use it to "do" something else!

I'm not very happy at the thought that I fill so much of my time with activity. It's very unbalanced and I realised I have to look at this and do something about it.

Our next exercise was about "strokes", positive and negative, a means of getting recognition, and that how we spend our time is all about getting or avoiding strokes. Hm...

We had to do an exercise in which we loosely measured how easily we gave positive and negative strokes and how often, to others and to ourselves. Of course, most of us give ourselves negative strokes a lot of the time, with our internal critical voices! And when we're starved of positive strokes, we can end up accepting, looking for or even asking for negative ones. Like a child needing attention, anything is better than being ignored.

Of course we can see eating as a type of positive self-stroke (with negative consequences). And how it can be an indication of a lack of strokes (recognition) in other areas in our lives. All fairly obvious, really, but a different way of looking at it.

I felt very tired in the group and came away not on the Cloud Nine that I have in previous weeks. I actually felt quite troubled about how I use my time. And more, how to change it! Plus the fact that I have a lot going on at the moment: two Gaelic classes a week; 16 hours work at Rag Tag; most weeks recently and over the next month, I've also got hours at the library on top of RTT; the travelling through for the LL sessions (which do really tire me out, even when I'm not driving), and our Skye Bridge knitting project. Not to mention dog walking, keeping this blog and the Facebook page updated, working on the NADA magazine over the next couple of weeks and trying to find time to knit! Hmm... Something's out of balance...!

I think this is also about coming out of the honeymoon period of the programme and moving into the straight (mixed metaphors, I know!). The dramatic weight loss period is over and it's now steady as she goes...! I'm in it for the long haul too (if I can afford it), so the straight is a bit longer for me than for the others. The novelty of the food packs is beginning to wear off and sometimes, mainly when I'm tired, I just want to eat - anything, not something in particular, just anything. I won't, I'm sure, I just can't afford to. I'm finding it a lot easier to get around but I still have times where I'm really uncomfortable, stiff and sore, so cheating isn't really an option for me. I confess to a Diet Coke after a short Tesco shop after the LL session, I was much in need of some caffeine before driving home. It's zero calories but I'm not sure about the carbs...

One of the biggest lessons of this week, I think, was realising how we accept positive strokes from others. When folk have mentioned how I look different or congratulated me on my weight loss and progress, I've almost always said, "I've got a long way to go". We were told to try and accept the compliments and not attempt to balance them with negatives. Well, I failed with that today- again - but then quickly explained and turned it round by saying:

"Yes, it is great [24.5 lbs in 4 weeks is pretty blooming good!], I am doing well, amn't I?!"

Another 4 lbs bite the dust

Yep, that's a total of 22 lbs now. Just 1 lb over 1 1/2 stones. Amazing... I actually managed to pull my trousers down today without undoing the zip!! They were always a little big round the waist but I couldn't have done that a few weeks ago. While I know the quick weight loss is a bit scary, it's also really encouraging and gives me, at least, the impetus to keep going. It's slowing down now, as predicted, but I still feel an ongoing loss even though it's actually less.

Tuesday's session was really just more on Transactional Analysis and the different "ego states" and how they break down:
Critical Parent
Nurturing Parent
Adult (no breakdown?)
Adaptive Child
Rebellious Child (that's me!)
Free Child

It's all interesting stuff and easily identifiable. It's all about listening to those voices in your head, identifying them and choosing how you react. Oh and all the states are useful - you don't need to strive to be in your adult all the time, even the rebellious child ("Neh neh ne neh neh - I'm going to show them who can lose weight!") can be useful at times!

Some of our group had actually put on weight this week because they'd broken the diet and eaten some real food! It was a lesson for all of us and made me all the more determined to resist temptation. It's not always easy and, on Thursday night, I was very tired and really could have murdered some food - not anything in particular - just FOOD. I didn't have my bar to look forward to because I'd had to have it at lunchtime for convenience, and that made it a bit tougher. However a late evening chocolate shake made with hot peppermint tea was lovely!

My hunger is much much less but I can't say I'm never hungry... Pity!

I had my blood pressure taken this week - actually a week too soon, I got mixed up - and it was fine. But it always is, I've never had a problem with it.

Next week we get measured for the first time since starting on the diet. I'm looking forward to that - it'll be really interesting to see how I'm shrinking! I can see it in the mirror and keep meaning to take another photo to compare - our counsellor encouraged us to do so. And those trousers being easily pulled down(!) shows several inches have gone. Yippee!!

Oh oh oh - and next week a new food pack - PORRIDGE - will be available!! Hot brekkers (or supper)!

Giving thanks

Well, peeps, I want to give thanks tonight for my improved fitness, the increase in energy, the decrease in aches and pains and stiffness, the weight loss (of course), and the fact that I can be busy and it doesn't fry my brain. I've just come back from a bracing walk in the drizzle with my dogs after a full 8 hour day at work and I am feeling good! I'm looking forward to chilling out after what's been a very busy week. I've been on the go all day every day since Tuesday, including giving an interview on BBC Radio Scotland to promote a project I'm involved in getting off the ground:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/highlands_and_islands/7894474.stm
(please note it's not an AOS project - that's an editorial error). The interview was broadcast (in a highly edited version, of course!) around 1 pm on Tuesday and I missed it - and it's not available on BBC iPlayer. Grrr! The project will be launched in about a fortnight.
So after more or less working a full-time week, it's even more remarkable that I feel good right now. I'm not saying I don't get tired nor that I feel 100% well again but I do feel good. And very grateful.
So I want to give thanks to God for that.
More about this week's progress later this evening.

Donations for the 2nd stage of Lighter Life...

...have been coming in already!! Today the figure leapt to £120. Several people have said they want to sponsor me, ie help me lose weight, rather than the charities. I'm gobsmacked and really touched. I don't know quite what to say...

Day 14 - another 8 lbs lost in the second week!

Hard to believe isn't it?! That's 18 lbs (1 stone 4 lbs) in only 2 weeks!! Tis positively gobsmacking... Already my trousers are loser, I notice a difference in my shape and the size of it(!) and I'm feeling much less stiff and sore. The latter is the best of all, of course. To be able to move more easily and with less - well, I won't say pain - soreness. There are other factors in the mix, it has to be said, like my new CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine, which means I sleep much more soundly at night and therefore have more energy, and my new shoe insoles to help the plantar fasciitis in my right foot. Both of these have had a very positive effect but the weight loss is only aiding and abetting it.

I did have a couple of Grrrr days last week, specifically when I was on my own a lot and not as busy as usual. There wasn't a particular food I wanted to eat, I just wanted to be able to eat at all and not have to wait for the time to eat my next pack. We don't have to eat at specific times, just at regular intervals. I was wanting to eat in between those regular intervals!

Some of the group didn't lose anything like as much as me and my heart went out to them. As much as I'm so very much encouraged by my weight loss, they're discouraged by the lack of theirs. Still, they're still losing more than they would on a conventional diet. Some of the group are a week behind us and one of them lost an almighty 12.5 lbs in her first week!!! Queries to the group counsellor revealed that there doesn't seem to much why or wherefore regarding how much we lose - it's very individual. She did say, however, that if you're not drinking enough water, your body will hold onto what it gets so, the more you drink, the more you'll pass (because your body trusts there will be a plentiful supply) and subsequently be lighter.

Having said all that, my Ketostix (Ketostick?!) showed I'm still not drinking enough water. Hard to believe because I seem to be drinking all the time. I bought some of the Lighter Life St Clements water flavours and have since found it helps me drink much more. Instead of one gulp I'm now more likely to take four! Lots of trips to the loo as well though!!

After our usual weigh in and purchase of our weekly food packs, we talked about childhood memories and family traditions around food. What sort of sayings did we have in our families about food? "Big fat beafy boafy" is one I remember! Giggling and finger-pointing at people just like me. What was our families' attitude towards food? Almost everyone there had negative recollections of being made to clear our plates. I told stories of being made to eat liver and, worse of all (especially because of the trauma caused by my refusal to eat it!) - cod roe. Most of us had similar stories and I can't break the confidentiality of the group to tell different ones.

The hour and a half passes very quickly and never seems long enough. I've had a read of the Foundation book that we all received last week and I'm pretty impressed. I've been a champion of not dieting and eating for health and accepting yourself as you are, and still I find the book full of sound advice and information.

We also learned the very basics of Transactional Analysis - the Parent, Adult, Child ego states - and learned how all three have their uses. Last week's "homework" was more on goal setting and about the different levels of self-awareness (specifically the Johari Window). I enjoyed drawing a picture of myself in a year's time! Once I've got to grips with the scanner, I'll post it here. Won't it be great if that actually happens?!

This week's homework, which I've not done yet, is about group agreements and promises to ourselves. It's sound and very interesting stuff. Who's more interesting to ourselves than ourselves, after all?!

Day 7 - 10 lbs lost in the first week!

First weigh in today and, as the title says, I've lost all of

10lbs!!

It's extraordinary, I can hardly believe it. Only today I'd decided that my trousers feel looser but I didn't expect that much weight loss. It's very encouraging. It means that I will very likely have lost a stone by next week - only 2 weeks in!

This is only a quick bulletin as I'm wiped out after the journey and about to fall into bed. More tomorrow - or soon.
* * * *
Supplement, 4 February:
Our second Lighter Life session was exciting for everyone - to see how much weight we'd lost in the first week. This week we'll lose more than subsequent ones as our glycogen is used up and we go into ketosis. Talking of which, we all had to pee on a Ketostix to check our levels of ketosis (fatburning) AND if we're drinking enough water. As mine was next to darkest, it meant that I am in ketosis (yippee!) but I'm not drinking enough, even though I feel like I'm drinking all the time. Don't worry, I won't be quaffing great quantities like the poor misinformed woman who died recently - we are to think of our bodies as a water wheel and to keep it turning with a steady flow rather than intermittent gushes.

Several folk in our group lost 7 lbs, a few of the heavier ones lost 9 lbs. I wondered if I'd lose as much as 9 and tried to be content with only 7. I never expected I'd lose as much as 10!! I am pleased - and not a little shocked. 10 lbs in only one week - scarey!

When we get weighed, we also pick up our pre-ordered food packs for next week. Mary, the counsellor, was a whizz with the different drawers each containing a different pack - clearly very practised at it! 28 packs were in my new jute Lighter Life shoulder bag (with lime green handles!) in about 30 seconds - I kid you not! All of us commented on it!

Along with our new weight(!), we were also given our "before" photo/s from last week. Yikes! I will scan mine and add it here once I've worked out how to use the scanner(!).

And a pedometer (oops - just remembered I forgot to put mine on today). It's just to give you an idea of how much you exercise - ie how many steps you take per day! - but it can be programmed to work out how many calories you're burning. Not something I can really be bothered with!

We were all given a Foundation Book which, at 146 pages, looks full of information and a section to work through each week. This week's is Setting Goals. SMART goals at that:
S for Specific
M for Measurable
A for Achievable
R for Realistic
T for Timed
Hmmm. I can share two of mine but the third is top secret! To lose 11 stone by the end of the year (yes, the target has increased because so did my initial weight!), and to be able to climb to the viewpoint without stopping.

And that was it. It's always over pretty quickly, just one and a half hours with the first half hour-ish being taken up with weighing and getting our packs.

Thoughts? Wondering if I might follow my usual pattern of doing really well at something new and then falling off after a wee while. I do hope not. Think positive! I do think about food but I'm not craving. A lot of it is still automatic. I actually seem to like being around food and not eating it - an interesting one. I served up pizza for Jamie tonight and didn't even think about eating it. I just know I can't begin to entertain those thoughts!

One thing that struck me strongly at the meeting was how much their excess weight had inhibited so many of the woman there. As someone who made a decision years ago not to let her weight stop her doing what she wants (except perhaps baring my cellulite in the swimming pool - though I have done it), I listened to their lack of self-confidence and thought, not only that they were all lovely looking women, but also - "I wish you could have come to my bellydancing class!"