Lighter Lifers have devised "real food-like" recipes for the food packs - "chocolate", "muffins" and, my favourite, "poppadoms". Mix the chicken soup into a paste or baby food consistency, spread it on a plate or on greaseproof paper and cook in the microwave for several minutes. My first two experiments stuck to the plate, so that I had to chip them off and even lick up the crumbs. I might as well have eaten it straight from the packet! The third stuck to the greaseproof paper, adding a little bit extra to my diet (you didn't expect me to leave it, did you?!).
So, the week before last, I oiled the plate... And last week I did the same twice over... SO that little bit of extra calories just might be making a difference to my weight loss. So, after the weigh-in on Tuesday, I went to Tesco in Dingwall and bought some baking paper (already greased and virtually non-stick)! It worked like a treat tonight - and no extra calories.
My friend wasn't able to make it to this week's session, so I travelled alone. I have to confess to feeling really really really tired afterwards... After feeling great a fortnight ago, I've been really tired this past week or so... :-(
We were measured this week too. I appear to have lost only 1 cm on my top, 3 cm on my waist and 3 cm on my hips. I'm a bit surprised, as I'm very aware of how much smaller I feel and just how baggy my clothes have become. So... I'm going to take my own measurements too from now on. And when I can get some batteries for my scales, I'm going to compare the weight loss on them too...!
The highlight of this week was the introduction of a new food pack - porridge! I've tasted it and it isn't really like porridge at all, more like a very runny semolina. But tasty enough and a welcome variation on the food packs.
This week was more on Transactional Analysis and Eric Bernes' recognition of different ways in which we spend our time:
- Withdrawal - either physically or mentally.
- Ritual - from a simple handshake or "How are you?" to weddings and funerals. Pointedly, mealtimes can also be a ritual.
- Pass-timing - inconsequential chit chat, cups of tea with friends, gossip.
- Activities - task orientated activities like work, etc.
- Intimacy - about being genuine, not just about physical or emotional intimacy. Being "real".
All of these can be negative as well as positive: hiding away; over-indulgence; avoiding being alone; over working / under working; too much or too little intimacy. And we were asked to recognise the association of food with all of them too: hiding food and eating in secret; the excess food associated with big parties and ceremonies; the cream cakes along with the cups of tea; getting too tired or too bored and this leading to eating; using food to make up for loneliness or even to avoid intimacy.
We were asked to look at how much of our day is spent on each of these activities. It made me realise that I fill my time with activities, particularly since being on this programme. Now I don't need to take time to cook or even to eat (it doesn't take long to get through any of the packs!), I have more time on my hands. I enjoy having this extra time but I also use it to "do" something else!
I'm not very happy at the thought that I fill so much of my time with activity. It's very unbalanced and I realised I have to look at this and do something about it.
Our next exercise was about "strokes", positive and negative, a means of getting recognition, and that how we spend our time is all about getting or avoiding strokes. Hm...
We had to do an exercise in which we loosely measured how easily we gave positive and negative strokes and how often, to others and to ourselves. Of course, most of us give ourselves negative strokes a lot of the time, with our internal critical voices! And when we're starved of positive strokes, we can end up accepting, looking for or even asking for negative ones. Like a child needing attention, anything is better than being ignored.
Of course we can see eating as a type of positive self-stroke (with negative consequences). And how it can be an indication of a lack of strokes (recognition) in other areas in our lives. All fairly obvious, really, but a different way of looking at it.
I felt very tired in the group and came away not on the Cloud Nine that I have in previous weeks. I actually felt quite troubled about how I use my time. And more, how to change it! Plus the fact that I have a lot going on at the moment: two Gaelic classes a week; 16 hours work at Rag Tag; most weeks recently and over the next month, I've also got hours at the library on top of RTT; the travelling through for the LL sessions (which do really tire me out, even when I'm not driving), and our Skye Bridge knitting project. Not to mention dog walking, keeping this blog and the Facebook page updated, working on the NADA magazine over the next couple of weeks and trying to find time to knit! Hmm... Something's out of balance...!
I think this is also about coming out of the honeymoon period of the programme and moving into the straight (mixed metaphors, I know!). The dramatic weight loss period is over and it's now steady as she goes...! I'm in it for the long haul too (if I can afford it), so the straight is a bit longer for me than for the others. The novelty of the food packs is beginning to wear off and sometimes, mainly when I'm tired, I just want to eat - anything, not something in particular, just anything. I won't, I'm sure, I just can't afford to. I'm finding it a lot easier to get around but I still have times where I'm really uncomfortable, stiff and sore, so cheating isn't really an option for me. I confess to a Diet Coke after a short Tesco shop after the LL session, I was much in need of some caffeine before driving home. It's zero calories but I'm not sure about the carbs...
One of the biggest lessons of this week, I think, was realising how we accept positive strokes from others. When folk have mentioned how I look different or congratulated me on my weight loss and progress, I've almost always said, "I've got a long way to go". We were told to try and accept the compliments and not attempt to balance them with negatives. Well, I failed with that today- again - but then quickly explained and turned it round by saying:
"Yes, it is great [24.5 lbs in 4 weeks is pretty blooming good!], I am doing well, amn't I?!"
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